Who will Old Man McCain choose?

There’s a possibility that since his radical rightwing turn on immigration, Mike Huckabee would shore up Walnuts‘ base deficiency on that issue. Plus there’s the whole Huckabee talks to God thing which would help McCain shyster the “Jesus did so ride a dinosaur!” vote.

My other guess is Charlie Crist. A southern Governor. Younger than McCain. Will deliver Florida. And then there’s the possibility that the “Jesus did so ride a dinosaur” voters might think that with a last name like that, the Governor of Florida could be related to Mr. Jesus Christ.

Election 2008 | 8 Comments »

Single issue groups provide great information for voters; If you want to know where a candidate stands on guns, you turn to the NRA. If you want to know where a candidate stands on the forced return of the Gilded Age, you turn to any one of these groups. But if you wanted to know about where the candidates stand on Cousin Marriage, you had nowhere to turn… until now:

“Dedicated to providing objective, non-partisan information for voters and the media regarding cousin marriage issues in the 2008 Presidential Election. In particular, RudyMarriedHisCousin.org will provide substantive analysis of the campaign of Republican Rudy Giuliani, who married his cousin.”

More than the next generation of push polls, websites like these, I mean legitimate organizations like these, are different than push polls in one very important way: they’re freaking hilarious. This one also has the distinct advantage of being true. Rudolph married his cousin.

(more…)

Rudy Giuliani | 1 Comment »

“Freedom requires religion, just as religion requires freedom. Freedom opens the windows of the soul so that man can discover his most profound beliefs and commune with God.

- Mitt Romney

What does a ‘window to a soul’ have to do with the Constitution? or freedom for that matter?

Okay, crimes against history often occur whenever most conservative Christians see the word “God” anywhere in statue or memorial concrete. For example, noted idiot Pat Robertson, when he “entered the Jefferson Memorial in Washington, looked up at the statue of that incredibly handsome and powerful man” and read Jefferson’s words engraved:

“I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every from of tyranny over the mind of man.”

Robertson went on his his sermon to say that this quotation, taken out of context, proves that Jefferson would be against the tyranny of “the IRS, the SEC, the EPA, the NLRB, the FEC, the FCC, the EEOC, the ICC, and the ATF, plus an alphabet soup of federal departments and agencies.”

Because I know the context of Jefferson’s quotation, I know that were he alive today, TJ would (if he survived the violent aneurysm) beat the hell from Romney and Robertson.

In this passage, Jefferson is attacking the “tyranny” of the Christian clergy of Philadelphia.

Those words came from a letter written to Benjamin Rush in 1800 in response to Rush’s warning about the Philadelphia clergy attacking Jefferson during the campaign of 1800. (Jefferson was seen as an infidel by his enemies during the race against the conservative President John Adams). The complete statement reads as follows:

“The returning good sense of our country threatens abortion to their hopes, & they [the clergy] believe that any portion of power confided to me, will be exerted in opposition to their schemes. And they believe rightly; for I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. But this is all they have to fear from me: & enough too in their opinion, & this is the cause of their printing lying pamphlets against me.”

“Freedom requires religion…” can you fathom what Jefferson would say to that?!

Jefferson wrote “that our civil rights have no dependence on our religious opinions, any more than our opinions in physics or geometry.” (America, 1779.)

America, 2007: “Freedom requires religion, just as religion requires freedom. Freedom opens the windows of the soul so that man can discover his most profound beliefs and commune with God.”

Can anyone explain how freedom opens the soul’s windows? Or, how freedom requires “communing with God”?

Who wrote this speech? It’s just not supportable. There’s no logic here - even religious dogma should follow logically. I read a good deal of Theology at my Jesuit University, this is a spitballing of aphorisms. I’m flabbergasted.

Mitt Romney | 5 Comments »

Of course we all remember the huge story recently about one of the Presidential candidates’ most important fundraisers and his legal troubles, right?

It was all over the news - about how the campaign had to return the money that the crook brought in. The discussion went on for days speculating about how this untoward criminal behavior so close to a candidate would hurt the pols chances. Everyone with an opinion on the teevee dissected what the incident said about that pol who would associate with shady types.

Again, IOKIYAR. Documenting the atrocities is Media Matters:

In recent days, NBC, CNN, and Fox News have all aired reports or discussed the case of Norman Hsu, who The Wall Street Journal suggested may have funneled illegal campaign contributions to Sen. Hillary Clinton. However, when Mitt Romney’s national finance committee co-chairman Alan Fabian was charged with mail fraud, money laundering, bankruptcy fraud, perjury and obstruction of justice, the three networks did not report or discuss it during programs available in the Nexis database.

When Mitt Romney’s national finance committee co-chair was ACTUALLY CHARGED… crickets.

Willard’s criminal friend was slammed with a 23-count indictment of mail fraud, money laundering, bankruptcy fraud, perjury, and obstruction of justice. Plus, and then, at a news conference the United States Attorney called this crook one of the largest monetary theft cases ever prosecuted in the state of Maryland.

This double-standard is the standard, of course. But how much does the Romney camp’s smooth-talk message spin, kabuki image theatre, and “synthetic gravitas” as presentation manipulation play into this shameful gloss-over by the Democratic primary deciders media? Is Romney going to be the teflon candidate? Because such a dodge artist might be this crop of candidates’ best hope.

Mitt Romney | 2 Comments »

Elitist Actor Fop, Fred Thompson, who as a uber-connected D.C. lobbyist,  is also a member of the Libby Defense Trust, released a statement applauding the Cheney Administration’s uncheckable Plenary Powers:

“I am very happy for Scooter Libby. I know that this is a great relief to him, his wife and children. While for a long time I have urged a pardon for Scooter, I respect the President’s decision. This will allow a good American, who has done a lot for his country, to resume his life.”

By the way, Fred is totally wearing lipstick in that picture where it looks like he’s portraying Benedict Arnold.  Tangentially, Thompson starred in an episode of Sex and the City titled, “Politically Erect.”

Adding to the questions from Paul’s post, I would ask of Hollywood Freddie,  “In what way do the crimes Mr. Libby committed for the Administration differ from what Mr. Libby did for the country?”

He was asked, during the course of his duties to break the law. That’s what he did for the country.  And now Fred Thompson and the rest of the Libby Defense Trust will pay the fine for him.

Fred Thompson | 5 Comments »

This crazy mockery is inspired by Walnuts’ actual webads, which are utterly abysmal and have no focus. See for yourself:

In the YouTube comments someone named ‘owenvideos’ nailed it when he blurted out, “Is that the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack?”

Indeed, it is not the Wagnerian death march you might suspect, or Darth Vader’s Imperial Theme (my first guess), it’s a song from a pirate movie.

It’s also God-awful. What is the message?! Like, Walnuts, you’ve got 60 seconds, pick one thing and say it. Oh, you poor old bastard…

John McCain | No Comments »

John McCain | No Comments »