After all, if he just admits that he actually does take money from lobbyists, surrounds himself with lobbyists, and even has sex with lobbyists, wouldn’t that constitute–since it would be an example of McCain truly coming clean about his dirtiest secrets–the ultimate form of straight talk?

Seriously, he could work this whole crisis to his own advantage. He should just hold a press conference and say, “My friends, here’s some straight talk: Yes, I take money from lobbyists. Yes, I surround myself with lobbyists. Shit, I even bone an occasional lobbyist from time to time. You know why, my friends? I don’t know. It’s just what I do.” And leave it at that.

Chris Matthews would swoon. He’d be like, “Wow, John McCain is so honest. You gotta love him!”

(Cross posted at The November Blog)

Election 2008 | No Comments »

Our friends at Redstate.com (they aren’t really our friends, my friends, as John McCain loves to say, my friends) are totally freaking out. It turns out that John McCain is a huge ABBA fan, and attempted to use their hit “Take A Chance On Me” as his new campaign song (after being totally rejected by John Mellencamp when McCain wanted to use one of his songs).

Declares the anti-ABBA forces at Redstate:

WTH? Who in the heck is advising McCain? Is there anything less manly than this?

Apparently there isn’t. I think those “gay sweaters” that his advisers have been forcing him to wear are clearly taking their toll.

(Cross posted at The November Blog)

Election 2008 | 3 Comments »

This last flip flop, of Mitt Romney coming out for John McCain, is one that even a trained dolphin couldn’t pull off.

The 12th Commandment states: If thou hast sullied a fellow Republican, thou shalt put it between thy legs and endorse thy fellow Republican when he beats thou.

Governor Romney, those about to flip, we salute you.

Election 2008 | 1 Comment »

Wall Street Journal columnist John Fund opines:

In some ways Mr. McCain resembles Nicolas Sarkozy, the French conservative who won last year’s presidential election even though the retiring president, Jacques Chirac, was unpopular and a member of his own party. “Like Sarko, who was of Chirac’s party but not of Chirac, America’s swing voters have intuited over the years that there is little love lost between McCain and George Bush,” says the blog Race42008.

Mr. Sarkozy was able to convince a majority of French voters that he represented real change that would improve conditions, while his socialist rival, Segolene Royal, represented risky change that could make matters worse. That is precisely the challenge Mr. McCain faces this year against Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton.

Oh great. So, French conservative beats lady liberal, immediately proceeds as first Act of State to divorce old wife and all but reach up the skirt of hot new babe. Is this what we have to look forward to under a McCain presidency? Senator McCain hopping on the Straight Talk Express away from his second wife and moving in for engagement ring number three?

Election 2008 | No Comments »

Election 2008 | No Comments »

Holy Jumpin’ Jesus, it’s Super Tuesday!

What the hell is going on here?

Will McCain secure the nomination?

Or will Mittens hang on and spend more of Tagg’s inheritence?

Will Mike Huckabee’s triumph in West Virginia catapult him to the White House?

Will Fred Thompson decide to get back in the race?

Will the now-banned lowercase matt log in under a different name and make offensive remarks in the comments section?

Will the country get so sick of this marathon primary that it decides not to have a president this year?

Stay tuned.

[Updates]: McCain wins Connecticut and Illinois

Romney wins Massachusetts! Somebody actually likes Mittens!

Huckabee wins Alabama!

McCain wins New Jersey and Illinois!

Giuliani wins American Samoa!!

Giuliani also wins Transylvania!

Mitt Romney says it’s “an honor” to vote for himself. Wouldn’t it make more sense to say it’s “humbling” to vote for himself? I mean, it should only be an honor to vote for someone who you really admire. Does Mitt Romney really admire himself?

Huck wins home state of Huckansas.

According to CNN, Mitt Romney served as “Mayor” of Massachusetts. Is Rudy Giuliani running CNN?

Run again Fred, run!

McCain wins Delaware!!!!

McCain wins New York. Could this be good news for Rudy Giuliani?

McCain wins North Dakota!

Election 2008 | 2 Comments »

Just when you thought all of the interesting potential First Ladies were out of the race!

We’ve lost Jeri Thompson and Judith Giuliani to boneheaded campaign strategy. But thanks to the Powers of Murdoch, we’ve now got Mrs. Cindy McCain to kick around. Here’s the Sunday Times of London’s hit piece (thanks, AW) on Senator McCain’s entry to the Republican Not-First-Wives’ Club:

A former Arizona rodeo beauty queen and daughter of a millionaire Phoenix businessman, Cindy McCain was 25 when she met her future husband at a cocktail party in Hawaii. John McCain was a 43-year-old naval liaison officer travelling with a congressional delegation, his sights already set on a political career.

He was also still married to his first wife Carol, although the couple had recently separated. Carol later attributed the breakdown of the marriage to “John turning 40 and wanting to be 25 again”. McCain fell like a brick for Cindy, who was the heir to a brewery distribution business worth millions. For several years afterwards the McCains endured Washington gossip that he had dumped his first wife - who had been crippled in a car accident - in favour of a trophy bride to enhance his political ambitions.

It was in the late 1980s, after a series of miscarriages and giving birth to three children, that Cindy developed spinal problems and was prescribed painkillers after surgery. Her husband and family had no idea she was secretly taking pills stolen from a charity she had created called the American Voluntary Medical Team, which sent mobile surgical units to war zones. When federal agents began to investigate gaps in the charity’s records, Cindy telephoned her husband, a senator in Washington, and confessed.

She admitted at the time that the 1994 episode had “nearly destroyed both of us”. But she underwent treatment and attended meetings of Narcotics Anonymous as part of a deal with prosecutors who dropped charges.

[…]

The McCains have never publicly blamed Bush and their relations have been outwardly cordial. But Cindy recently admitted that she keeps a “grudge list”.

Mid life crises!  Adultery!  Abandonment!  Pills!  Grudge lists!  Awesome. A First Lady who will keep track of who has been naughty and who has been nice. If Super Tuesday remains indecisive, you think Romney’s people will go on a tear against Mrs. McCain?

Election 2008, John McCain | No Comments »

Who will Old Man McCain choose?

There’s a possibility that since his radical rightwing turn on immigration, Mike Huckabee would shore up Walnuts‘ base deficiency on that issue. Plus there’s the whole Huckabee talks to God thing which would help McCain shyster the “Jesus did so ride a dinosaur!” vote.

My other guess is Charlie Crist. A southern Governor. Younger than McCain. Will deliver Florida. And then there’s the possibility that the “Jesus did so ride a dinosaur” voters might think that with a last name like that, the Governor of Florida could be related to Mr. Jesus Christ.

Election 2008 | 8 Comments »

You see, now even his campaign says so. Everything bad is good, two plus two equals five, and failing to be endorsed by anyone or anything of any note in the state you’ve staked your presidential bid on means you are qualified to be America’s main man:

Election 2008, Florida, Rudy Giuliani | No Comments »

I think so:

DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. – Rudy Giuliani sped across the finish line in Florida on Monday.

He didn’t get the checkered flag he really wanted - victory in the Jan. 29 Republican primary - but had a great time all the same.

Giuliani’s campaign bus took a detour from its two-day, eight-stop tour of Florida for a visit to the Daytona International Speedway. Aides assembled the press traveling with him in the grassy infield, setting up the camera shot they wanted - pictures of his giant “Florida is Rudy Country” bus tearing around the track and across the black-and-white finish line.

The big coach roared past the media pack, not at race speeds but fast enough to keep from tipping over on the banked track. Giuliani grinned in the front passenger seat.

No one was in the stands…

This does seem fitting, as a new ARG poll came out today showing Rudy Giuliani in fourth place in Florida with poll voters (though tied for first with absentees) and fourth place overall.

As Political Derby.com illustrates quite nicely, Ron Paul now has a better chance of becoming president than Rudy Giuliani.

(Cross posted at The November Blog)

Election 2008 | No Comments »